Year End Meme

1. What did you do in 2012 that you’d never done before?
Turned three.  Became toilet trained.  Was a big sister for a whole year.  Entered the three's class at preschool.  

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?


No.  and No.  

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?



I guess not.  

4. Did anyone close to you die?



No, thank God.  

5. What countries did you visit?



We stayed in the country but Veronica did go to NJ with me in September. 

6. What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012?

Veronica is doing just great.  I hope she has a few more letters she can pronounce in 2013.  

7. What dates from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

I guess none, she started school on August 27.  She turned three on May 14.  

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?



Veronica has really come into her own, she finished speech therapy this year.  She is so funny and sweet.  She is a great big sister and a very patient and kind little sister.  

9. What was your biggest failure?

None.  She gets her feelings hurt very easily and cries for five minutes if she even senses disapproval but what can you do.  

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

She had one ear infection, her only one.  She had some colds and some random fevers.  

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Veronica really likes these Hello Kitty shoes we bought.  And also her Hello Kitty underwear.  

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Veronica's, of course.  She is a happy and sweet person and she is the best sharer you could ever want to meet.  

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?



To be fair, I should say Veronica's.  She sometimes gets very upset for no reason and just yells in your ear forever, or what feels like forever.  

14. Where did most of your money go?

Preschool, ice cream.  

15. What did you get really excited about?

Veronica loves school and she loves Maria.  

16. What song will always remind you of 2012?

I have to say Call me Maybe for all the kids, but Veronica sang it too.  

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:


– happier or sadder? Happier.
– thinner or fatter? Fatter, heavier, but really just growing.


– richer or poorer? Richer, I guess.  

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?



Sleeping.  

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

  

Yelling.  

20. How did you spend Christmas?


We were here, for the first time with all my siblings and my mom.  

21. Did you fall in love in 2012?
I guess not.  She loves Felicity a lot.  

22. What was your favorite TV program?


She loves Max & Ruby.  

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?


No.

24. What was the best book you read?
They just started reading Ramona.  

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

She loves Call Me Maybe.  

26. What did you want and get?
She wanted a unicorn dreamlight for Christmas and she got one.  She loves it.  

27. What did you want and not get?
I don't know.  She wanted a pretend kitty and didn't get one.  

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
Madagascar III is the only movie she saw in the theater this year.  

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
She turned three in May and we had a party and a Tinkerbell cake and she had a fine old time, she was super sweet.   

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
She is still a little shy.  We had to leave a little birthday party this year because she was so nervous.  She has a lot of sensory issues, and she has to get her air out, i.e. lean on the damned table like she does, a lot here lately.  I hope she grows out of it.  

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2012?
Veronica, like Maria,  likes dresses and no jeans.  NO JEANS.  

32. What kept you sane?


Preschool.  Ballet.   

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I don't know.  Yo Gabba Gabba?    

34. What political issue stirred you the most?


NONE.  

35. Who did you miss?


I think she misses us when she's in school.  She misses her friend Brooke, who is in the Young Threes class.  

36. Who was the best new person you met?


Maybe Pearl?  Rosie?  Sylvie?  New friends from school.  

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012.


Veronica may have thought she was a little sister, but she has been a great big sister this whole time.  

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.


Ha, here is a song Veronica sings over and over.  Pa da na na, Pa da na na, ra na na na na na na na na na pa na na na.  It's a V. Orginal.    

Old

Today I was reading Twitter and some women were talking about how if they were younger when they started, maybe they'd have more.  One woman said that she wasn't YOUNG when she started, and she still had four.  That woman?  Was 27.  TEN YEARS YOUNGER than I was when I had Anthony.  Sometimes it is so hard to be so damned old and have all these kids, but not in the way that you'd think.  I mean, I am 44, so I am not, like, infirm or anything.  I am probably grumpier and more impatient than if I were 34 or 24 or whatever, but nothing makes me feel old like people talking about how they were kind of old when the age to which they are referring is like TEN years younger than the age I was when I started this mess.

Sometimes I think what am I doing?  How can I have a little baby and be this old?  I am trying to be younger, I am trying to sleep enough and exercise enough and eat well but man.  I am also OLD and SET IN MY WAYS.  So anyways, I'm sorry, Felicity, if your mother is so old.  I'm sorry that people will probably be like 'how nice that Felicity's grandmother brings her to school' when she is in Kindergarten.  Maybe (I'm hatching a plan here) I'll just start saying I'm her grandmother.  Then at least I'll seem YOUNG for my STATION!

Halloween

Felicity has had a busy few weeks.  She's had a cold, a sinus infection, a visit to her pediatric ENT, another cold, and her first real Halloween!  She was only three weeks old last year for Halloween, I think it's safe to say she enjoyed it more this year.  It was so warm and beautiful last year and this year it was kind of cold but I don't dare complain about it because for the second Halloween in a row, my NJ friends and family's kids couldn't go trick or treating on Halloween.  Last year, they had terrible snow and this year, of course, they have such problems from that storm I can't stand it.  Anyway.

I was afraid Felicity had an ear infection, she had a cold and runny nose for TWO weeks and it just seemed to get worse, so I took her in on Monday and he said she had a sinus infection and that her ear tube looked funny, so Tuesday I took her to see her (gorgeous) pediatric ENT but he said her tubes were fine, so that was good!  She has been sleeping badly and has been grumpy but overall she is plucky as hell, which I appreciate.

She was an elephant for Halloween, she was so cute.  She didn't love trick or treating, I probably shouldn't have taken her but I wanted to get her out in the air.  It's hard for her, and will be, I imagine, she gets drug along all these places and it's never about her.  But she's cute and sweet and that will get us all a long way, I bet.  Here's some pictures, of her on Halloween and through the fall.

Picture

I want to post more often so I downloaded a picture but now I can't remember what it's like and I have no time to look so it will be a surprise for everyone!

Felicity is fine, she has a cold and runny nose which is a DRAG because at this age, they can't even, like, sniffle so I have to wipe her nose a lot.  She hates it.  She's had a few night time wake ups recently and I hope that's why but last night she slept all night until 7:00 this morning so that's really great.

She doesn't like to go to sleep, or nap, any more than any of the rest of them, which is just my destiny I guess.  I guess I am supposed to spend years of my life fretting and worrying and trying to do everything right and failing miserably every day.  But that's not all!  I can feel terrible about it AND look like hell at the same time!  Motherhood!  It's not just a job, it's an adventure!  IN TORTURE!

EDITING TO SAY that I took this picture yesterday, first of all she is in an outfit from Mike's mom that she gave her for her birthday and it's adorable, so cute.  It's grey and green which happens to be an excellent color combination.  Second of all, she handed me that sock yesterday about 50 times and I'd kiss it and hand it back, saying thank you and then SHE would do it.  It's hilarious.

Birth Story

Here's Felicity's birth story, I wrote it right after she was born when it was all fresh in my mind:

So.  Same as with Veronica, I went to my parents' house in the early morning, I was supposed to be there around 7:00 so I wanted to get up around 6 but of course I woke up at 4:21 and there was no going back to sleep.  I stopped by Dunkin Donuts to get coffee and the guy there asked me if I was having a boy or a girl and I said, I don't know but I'll find out later this morning.  And then he seemed REALLY nervous, like I was going to have the baby right there!  Ha!  I got my Dad and he dropped me off.  I talked for a LONG time with the check in girl.  She is Catholic too and she goes to St. Joan of Arc, we talked about the priest, and her bible study, it was interesting.  The two nurses assigned to me came in and I got in my robe and got the monitors on, I was having contractions, which I knew because I could feel them for the previous two days.  One nurse was new and one nurse had been doing it for 30 years and there was some tension there.  The new nurse was very nice but my LORD, she was practicing and practicing on me.  The IV lock thing took a while, it was all kind of a pain.  

The anesthesiologist came in and he was charming - I have never met one who wasn't, actually.  We talked about morphine and itching and blah blah blah.  Dr. Bolin came in and we were off.  I walked to the OR, which I had forgotten about.  It seems so weird that you walk in to an operating room!  It was freezing and bright.  We talked about jury duty. I had to call Dr. Bolin the day before, on a Sunday even, to get clearance to be treated by an emergency dentist because I broke my tooth clean off.  So they were talking about what the hell, why don't dentists see patients for emergencies?  I said I went to an Immediadent type place and it was fine but expensive and now I had to go see my regular dentist anyway.  Then a nurse said that dentists didn't have to serve on juries, which doesn't seem true, but which annoyed the doctors in the room.  Anyways, we talked about jury duty.  He put the spinal in and I laid down.  I am always asking if Mike can come in yet, on account of they almost FORGOT him when I was having Maria.  He came in and we started.  The anasthesiologist was so nice about telling me what they were doing.  Oh I forgot about my nails!  I had a pedicure and a manicure the week before I had the baby, and I had my nails done in a super dark color - almost black but more purple.  They looked really nice but the anasthesiologist had to take off the polish from my index finger because it was messing up the pulse oxygen thing.  Apparently it looks at the color and it was too dark.  Anyways, the anasthesiologist kept telling me what she was doing, after Mike came in, they started.  I mentioned to Mike that there was no radio and they put it on for me, which was nice.  It took quite a while after they made the incision for her to be born.  I kept hearing a new song (I had a Bad Day, Faith, etc.) and thinking "this is the song that will be on when he or she is born" but then it would switch to a new song.  Apparently, she had meconium and then they were trying to get the head out first but they couldn't *get to it* because there was so much fluid.  My doctor, much like my doctor with Maria, was grunting and groaning like she was working out or something!  Finally she was born and the anasthesiologist said "it's a girl!".  I thought of the lack of circumcision first, as usual.  I could see her - well, I could see them working on her and then I could hear her crying and crying.  She sounded great, I was so happy.  They asked Mike what her name was and he said Felicity and it sounded perfect to me for the first time.  He took pictures of her and showed them to me and then after a while the nurse brought her over.  It is always such a relief to see that face wrapped up in the blanket and hat.  She was beautiful.  We were in recovery for a while, she was grunting and the nurse was worried but the neonatologist kept checking and saying she was fine.  So they gave her to me and we wheeled upstairs. 

I can never remember the first nurse's name, it was maybe Melissa?  She was really nice, she complimented me on not freaking out when Felicity couldn't and wouldn't nurse.  She was SO sleepy and it had been sort of traumatic for her to be born, so I figured she was just tired.  Plus maybe I always secretly hope there will be a reason they CAN'T nurse, ha!  Not really.  Anyways, we put up a picture and everyone said such nice things, I guess maybe I slept a little?  I can't remember what went on.  I just stayed in the bed, I was super itchy and SUPER sweaty, that first night is rough.  Later that night, around 8:00, she latched on and seemed to be nursing okay, so that was great.  I called Mike to tell him because she still wasn't getting it right by the time he left.  

We had some other trouble in the hospital.  She kept being so AWAKE all the time, she never would nurse and drift off and she seemed kind of fussy, to me.  But Mike would take her and rock her and stick his finger in her mouth and out she'd go, really passed out, like a newborn.  So the day before we left, I had Mike call the lactation consultant.  I was LOATHE to do it because one had come in the previous day and she showed me how to SHOOSH her - ha ha!  as if I need lessons in THAT! - and she also pushed my boobs around a lot.  But this one came and realized after a few minutes that Felicity had a 'bubble palette', just a little high, so she wasn't able to latch on.  We got this nursing shield and poof, she nursed - I will never forget it.  I had in her in the football hold, to my right, and she nursed for just a few minutes and then she gave me kind of a dirty look and drifted off.  

--

I never know how to end these, I guess.  Now she is one year old and we are deeply in love with her.  She had all her nursing problems and her ear infection problems, they've all been documented here.  We are just wild about her, all of us - all of the kids love her and I can honestly say I've never had a moment where any of the other kids have said "you're always with Felicity!" or anything like that.  She is only ever in danger of being loved to death by her siblings, ha!  After one year and one day, I can honestly say I don't know where we'd be without her.  She is our good sweet baby and beside the fact that she never naps, she is perfect in every way.  

Naps

How much have I thought and talked and written and read about naps in the last seven years?  A LOT! Felicity hasn't taken a nap one day this week, until today.  Yesterday she napped but only while I was holding her and only for a few minutes.  But today I laid her down at 10:34 and she was asleep by 11:00 and slept until around 1:00.  I just want to have a record of it, so here it is.

Three Weeks

Three weeks from tomorrow, she'll be one year old!  This picture is from today, Mike and I took her out to lunch.  She's awfully good out in public.  She is grabby as any one year old but overall she is good.  I am trying to get her to sign but she won't.  She does talk more than anyone else at this age, yesterday when Mike got home, the garage door opened and she said "Daddy!".  Whenever I ask her to say Mommy, though, she says "nah nah".  Ha!  She can't be 100% perfect, right?

Braggy

Is it amazing that Felicity says Mama and Dada and BYE?  I think it is.  She is definitely the babbliest of all my kids but I just can't believe how I'll say "say Mama?' to her and she says "Mmmmmmm-ma".  She says Dada on command and today she was waving at us, me and my mom and dad and Laura and saying BYE!  BYE!  BYE!

Maria talks a lot and of course it is a thrill that Veronica is talking so much but I sometimes wonder, if Felicity is talking so much now, what will it be like when she is one?  Eighteen months?  I can't wait, I'm so excited I can't stand it.

Movement

Felicity is really getting around these days!  She is a woman on the move!  It's a big pain!  Ha!

She is crawling and pulling up to stand and even cruising a little and it's super exciting.  She is not napping more, like I thought maybe she would but again, she is too good a night time sleeper for me to complain.

My friend Kate just had a baby, her first, and it is bringing back some memories.  It's so hard, he is just one week old and I was thinking today about when Felicity was one week old.  Then I was thinking how different it was when she was a week compared to when Anthony was a week old.  When he was a week old and he had basically not slept at all and screamed all the time, I was so scared and so miserable.  When Felicity was one week old, I was just fine - she was fine, and sleepy, and even though she cried I knew it would come to an end.  I wish I had just KNOWN the crying would come to an end with Anthony, or had faith in it, or something because actually he ended up having so many fewer problems than Felicity did anyway!

It's so hard to believe, right, that she had six ear infections in her first six months?  That she had fevers all the time and screamed and cried and I had to sleep holding her sitting up so she wouldn't yell?  That we had to take her to the damned urgent care all the time?  Now she's so healthy that I have completely missed her nine month appointment with her pediatrician, ha!  I do feel so lucky and grateful that she is so healthy and adorable now.

I took her to the Childwatch today at the Y and she was there for about 30 minutes and she did fine. One thing bugged me though and I think maybe this is because I'm a stay at home mom.  I don't expect people to, like, RAISE her or anything at a childwatch but they put her in a swing and I was like, really?  She is TEN MONTHS OLD.  Can't she just crawl around like I saw some other kids her age doing?  So next time I'm going to mention it.  Otherwise, I'm really happy that she did so well, no crying or anything!  Yay Felicity!  It's all I can ever think, Yay Felicity!

What's So Great About Felicity

Felicity is ten months old, finally.  What's So Great About Her?  What ISN'T?

• She's an excellent sleeper but I can't talk about it.  
• She is freaking adorable.  
• She is so, so happy, like seriously MOST of the time.  Ninety nine percent of the time she is over the moon happy.  
• She is so cute, people can't stop looking at her when we are out at the store and stuff.
• She will sit on a blanket at the park while I chase her sisters around, or push them on the swing, or whatever.  
• She is saying things!  I don't know what they are, but things!  She is a clear genius.
• She claps her hands for almost everything - like if you say "say Mama!", she claps.  If you say "sign more!" and sign it, she claps.  The whole time she waggles her eyebrows and tilts her head adorably.  
• She is a great, if messy kisser.  What she lacks in neatness she makes up for with enthusiasm. 
• She is completely lovable.  All you can do is love her.  I want to eat her up with a spoon.  

Iron Man

Felicity is some kind of non-napper, I'll say that!  This morning she woke up at 7:30 or something and she napped for one hour this morning, from like 10:30-11:30 and then - that was it - for the day!  She FINALLY went to sleep tonight after 8:00.  The other kids never ever could have made it that long but I always have to remind myself that she sleeps straight through in the night in a way that they didn't at her age.  Veronica didn't sleep through the night until she was like 15 months old!

Tonight I said she was nine months old but Mike said we may as well start saying 10, she'll be 10 months on Friday.  She started crawling this week, she is pulling up to lots of things, and she is cruising around on things, as long as the things are veryvery close together.  She eats everything, but super messily, so who knows how much she gets.  We try and give her one puree a day, usually prunes, which helps her be, ahem, regular.

::Claps Hands:: enough about that!  She is good, she is still pulling the heck out of my hair and she also bites me a LOT and BOY does it hurt.  But she is so sweet and funny, all is forgiven.  When she knows that you're looking at her, she tilts her head all the way down to her shoulder and smiles adorably.  Laura came over today and she was so happy to see her, but she was doing the weirdest thing.  It was like she was waving, but over her face!  Like she would smile and then drag her hand down from her forehead, over her nose, and over her mouth.  Poor stupid baby, I think she thought she was waving!

She claps and does 'so big!' and is all around just fine.  Phew.

Oh I am awful

One post a month!?  About my sweet Felicity?  Maybe it will get better when the other two girls are back in preschool.  They'll be gone three days a week and we can't wait!  Ha!  I'm feeding Felicity a snack and I updated the other blogs, so I thought I'd better try and do hers too.  It's not going great so far, she likes attention.

You know, Felicity really doesn't have it all.  I didn't breast feed her, she only gets one nap a day, Veronica lies down on her ALL THE TIME, it's hard out there for a baby!  I read all this crap about 'having it all' and I think, who does?  WHO DOES?  That Yahoo CEO or whatever is going to have her first baby at 37 and she's going to take maternity leave for a few weeks but she's going to work the whole time and I think what?  Who?  If you are working the whole time how can you be taking leave?  What about the baby?  Are you going to breast feed while you're working?  What about when you're crying from breast feeding?  Or is that just me?  Do you have hormones or is there some way they get wiped out for rich people?  For WORKING WOMEN?  I don't know.

I think about having it all a lot lately, because of articles like this, or this, or this one, which I actually really liked.  It seems like such a load of crap to me, but I don't think I'm even supposed to think about it, because since I don't work (much) OUTSIDE THE HOME, I'm not trying to have it all.  I've given up!  But I think, having thought a lot about it lately, that I have it all in a way that women who work outside the home don't.  Maybe because I've given up?  Maybe I know The Secret?  The secret is this - it is stupid to think about having it all when it is physically, literally impossible to have it all.  You can't be at home with your kids and giving them 100 percent of your attention AND be at an office, or even in a home office.  It just doesn't make sense.  I can't even give these fools 100% of my attention when I am with them and not even thinking about another job.  I'm typing this right now, with Felicity in her high chair to my right!  Her life is FLYING by me as I complain about it on the internet!  Ha!  Just kidding, mostly.

It's just so, so stupid and pointless.  I can't have it all, I can't find someone to pay me for 40 hours a week AND stay home with my kids anymore than Felicity can find it in her schedule to take three good naps a day, not even two!  I can't get the respect that Whatshername from Yahoo can get because I don't go to an office every day, any more than Felicity can get Veronica to STOP LAYING DOWN ON HER.

But I have it better than Felicity has it, because at least I made the decision to stay at home and get no damned respect.  She didn't decide to be the fourth child, with her crazy mother.  But I look at it like this - my brother John is the fourth of four, my cousin Margaret is the ELEVENTH of ELEVEN.  They are fine!  Good looking, smart, happy, fun.  So I'm hopeful that even if Felicity doesn't have it all now, and even if she is a little overtired, she will end up just fine.  And hopefully in the fall, when the others are all in school, I can document her success a little bit better.  Like she is standing!  And crawling a little!  And is super cute!  And can sign and say "Dad!" !!

High Chair

I wanted to make a post about Felicity's high chair because I love it so much.  Every day when I clean it I think, this is the greatest high chair ever!  Why would anyone ever get another high chair?  And it cost TWENTY DOLLARS.  Well, it's $25, with the tray, but still.  Anthony's high chair and Veronica's high chair were both more than $100, and I swear this one is just as nice.  Well.  Veronica's will be her high chair until she's 30 so it's longer lasting, but still.  Ikea, I bow at your Swedish genius.  Best high chair ever.

Big Day!

I was up in Felicity's room with her tonight and as I've been doing lately, I put her on the damned floor so she would stop pulling my hair.  She still had her blanket kind of wrapped around her and yet - and yet - she managed to sit up!  To push herself up to a sitting position!  It was thrilling and I took her picture after.  Then I took a few videos of it but I didn't get good video of it until the third time she sat up.  It was really, really a thrill, as you can hear from the LUNACY of my tone in the video:

She is doing great, I mean, she's different.  She really only takes one good nap a day.  She pulls my hair so hard it makes me cry.  She likes to be held all the time, which now that I think about it is just like the rest of them.  But, you know, I have never had a nine month old baby who slept all night so maybe they just ... don't nap that well?  I don't know.  I don't care, really.  Half the week I take her out of the house right when her nap should be starting, so what can you do?

She is getting really chatty, it seems like more than the other kids.  "Da da da da da da DA!  Daaaaaah!", she'll say to Maria, it's just adorable.

Anyways, she's doing just fine.  She'll be nine months old next Tuesday.  Nine months.  It really is going fast with her.  

Eight Months and Some Amount of Days

I don't know what day it is so I don't know how many days over eight months she is.  Ten?  Anyways I just want to record that she has two bottom teeth that have poked through, I think she has two more coming in on top, and she is still not pushing herself to sit up.  She has approximately 20 days before I'm going to get worried.  She better get on it!

Almost Eight Months

Felicity is almost eight months old and we are almost at two months without an ear infection.  To me, those are both big deals, because I love an eight month old baby, and, well, the ear infection thing is just magic, right?  I feel like we've been sprung from prison or something!  She is a happy, happy baby.  She gets a little grumpy before she goes to sleep, and especially if she's tired, which she OFTEN is, but that is the only bad thing about her.  And it's not BAD, it's just BAD in comparison to her normal sweet self.

She is starting to get a little bit of anxiety about being held by anyone but me.  Mike's mom and my mom were both here last Monday for a cookout and she was weird with both of them.  That's a tough phase, but it won't last long, I'm sure.  I hate it, though, because as sweet as she is, sometimes I like to put her down or have someone else hold her.  I've been taking advantage of the time before she goes fully crazy and wants to be held all the time and letting her lie down on the floor and roll around and she is doing well with the sitting up.  I told my sister, it's almost why I wrote that last post, where I was worried about it because as soon as I said it, she popped up and hasn't fallen down since!  Ha, well, not exactly but she is doing really well.  We went to the park the other day and she sat on a blanket for probably 30 minutes!  She is easy to take places - Maria wants to go somewhere all the time, of course, and I couldn't do it if Felicity were as grumpy as, say, MARIA was at that age.  She's a pleasant companion.  I am already dreaming of the fall, when Maria and Veronica are in preschool THREE days a week, and it will just be me and Felicity.

She has no teeth, she is as bald as a cue ball still (if the cue ball had a little tiny bit of dirt or moss on it) and she is still amazingly beautiful.

SLOW

I am worried that Felicity isn't developing on track.  It's so dumb, probably.  But she is 7.5 months old and while she can stay in a seated position if I put her there, for quite a while, she eventually topples over and she never, EVER pushes herself up to sitting.  My friend Sarah's daughter has been sitting up for a LOT longer than Felicity and now she is pushing herself up to sitting, at six months and some days.

Today I took the girls to my friend Marta's house for her daughter's birthday party.  Last year at the party I was pregnant and so was Marta's friend Simona.  Simona had a son, Davide, like three weeks before I had Felicity and he was at the party today and - not to put too fine a point on it, but he could kick Felicity's ASS if they got into a fight.  He was crawling and *standing up* and sort of thinking about taking steps, you could tell.  Ay yi yi - Felicity barely puts weight on her legs in the comfort of my lap!

I know it's not too late for her.  Ha, I know that sounds dramatic.  I mean, I know that she is on the later end but it's not unheard of, especially for a baby who had kind of a rough first six months, to be a little behind.  Her pediatrician said she was fine, but of course he said Anthony was fine too and of course Anthony is FINE, but you know what I mean.

I may make this trouble for myself, but it is exhausting, trying to worry enough to be on top of things but not worry so much that you're not ENJOYING EVERY MOMENT AND DELIGHTING IN YOUR CHILDREN.

Teething

Poor Felicity.  She has two big giant Veronica-sized teeth coming in and she's miserable about it.  In the morning, she wakes up so happy and sweet and then one hour later, she is vile and horrible.  She pulls my hair and shrieks in my ear and will not lie down and take a bottle.  I have to stand up and rock her in exactly the right way in order for her to calm down.  Two mornings in a row I've given her Tylenol, which I hate to do when she doesn't have a fever, but she is HOOKED and she wants it so I just give it up and then finally, she sleeps.  She's so great the other times of the day but when she is tired it's awful, just awful.  It makes me doubt all my beliefs.

I was reading this HORRIBLE blog post the other day.  It was allegedly a NICE post, but it was HORRIBLE, which is the worst kind, because it makes you seem like a jerk for recognizing that it's horrible.  It was all about the author BEGGING you to DELIGHT IN YOUR CHILDREN.  I mean, seriously, she was BEGGING us, for the LOVE of ALL that is HOLY, DELIGHT IN YOUR CHILDREN EVERY HOUR OF THE DAY.

That makes me feel awful.  I mean, I am in love with all of these people, and I especially love Felicity right now, she is the littlest and she's been sick and I feel like we have really come through something together.  I am grateful that she is here and that she is better now and - well, I mean, I LOVE HER.  I DO delight in her sometimes!  Most of the time, I daresay.  But it pisses me off to have some youngster who has no other credentials than that she has kids and a computer tell me that I am not DELIGHTING enough in my children.  That I am MISSING out on their childhoods!  Ay yi yi!  How could I be missing out on it, when I'm right here bitching about it?  Ha!

Anyways.  That's what's making me mad this week.  That and the teething.  But the teething will pass, I find it gets easier on them with each tooth, so it won't be long.  Those jerkstore bloggers will be around forever.

Saturday

I'm in my room, stealthily typing away while Felicity naps.  Lately what I do is, try to give her a bottle and she bats at me in the face and kicks me in the stomach while she takes it.  Then she finishes and indicates that by thrashing around and trying to sit up.  So I am pretty sick of her and I take her upstairs and try to rock her until she pushes out of my arms and then I lay her down in the crib and say "good luck!" and I leave.  She cries but not for long and I don't feel too bad because my face is stills smarting from where she pinched me and smacked me.  It's a win win!

She is really getting better about going to sleep on her own.  Any day now I'm going to start putting her in her crib.  My friend Rose gave me her bassinet and I am going to give it back to her just in time for her garage sale, ha!

She will be seven months old on the tenth, she is doing just fine, I'd say.  She's sitting up some, eating some puffs and some apples and some banana and some applesauce and pureed fruit from the spoon.  She's mostly sleeping all night, but she goes to bed later than I'd like.  I think it's impossible to change, though, as she has a rough nap schedule.  She is happy and sweet and she goes back for her one month checkup on the 15th of May and as long as things stay the same, it will be her first month without an ear infection, ever.  So that's pretty big, right?  I am actually getting a little teary typing that.  This poor little baby, she's been through it already.  I hope her second six months are nice and easy.

Surgery

Felicity had her surgery yesterday, it went very well.  It's awful, though, and I hope to never do it again.  I was considering getting her up at 3:30 to eat, since she couldn't eat after 4:00 a.m., but I just couldn't do it.  We set the alarm for 3:30 though, so I was up and nervous for the day.  I had to get her out of bed and put her in the car at around 6:30, it was dark and pouring rain.  For some reason, the traffic was TERRIBLE going to the place, we almost were late.  Not that it mattered, because I was supposed to be there at 7:00 and then I had to do 9 minutes of paperwork and vitals and then we sat around for 51 minutes.  But who's counting? 

The doctor is great, everyone was really nice.  It was hard when they took her away, she was all smiles and happy, which was better than crying but I still felt bad.  She was pretty fussy and sad when they brought her back, less than 15 minutes later.  I gave her some water from a bottle (her first!) and took her home and she screamed the whole way.  The doctor said she'd had a lot of liquid in her ears, like molasses, he said.  He said he drained it and now her hearing would be better.  It didn't seem to bother her when she was screaming her head off yesterday, though, and it doesn't seem to be bothering her now, when she is screaming her head off in her crib and protesting her nap. 

Anyways, we went home and I fed her and she fell asleep, then ate and slept and played all day, on and off.  Every time she woke up, she was better and better.  I had to work last night but I guess she was okay going to bed and she slept until 5:00.  I'm worried because I am trying to get her to nap and I am having absolutely ZERO success.  I put her down at 9:45 this morning, two hours after she woke up, and she screamed for 30 minutes.  Now I am trying again, two hours later, and she is pretty mad.  I am determined to get her to go to sleep on her own now that I know that she'll be healthy, but I feel weak about it.  Exactly how much crying do I have to hear from these people?  Sheesh.   

Busy girl

Tomorrow we are just going to ballet like usual, but Sunday Felicity is being christened and Monday we have to be at the surgery center at 7:00 a.m. So she can get tubes in her ears. Her new ENT (who is gorgeous, by the way. Not that it matters but it makes it more pleasant, right?) put her on a new antibiotic because both ears were all gunned up, so right now she is painting, stomach wise, but she is otherwise in good spirits. She's a sweet baby, really. Everyone keeps saying how much the tubes helped their kids, so if this has been Felicity feeling grumpy, I look forward to her when she's feeling good!

Um...

Felicity fell out of the stroller today, onto a BUSY city STREET and on her FACE and it was all my fault.  P.S. she is fine.  And it was sort of Maria's fault, too, but since I am the adult who is supposed to take care of them, I have to claim 100 percent fault.

We went to the library and then to the pretzel place.  I was with Marta and her three kids, she had a wagon and I went and got the stroller because Felicity is pushing so hard on my arms lately I am exhausted and my arms hurt.  PLUS I am trying to workout a lot this month, and I had just worked out this morning and anyways I got the stroller.  I clicked her in (Responsible!) on the way to the pretzel place but it was crazy, just crazy at the place.  Marta's son is not quite two and then there's Veronica, almost three, Maria, just 4, Charlie, almost 5 and Maddy, almost 7, so - crazytown!  So we were leaving, kind of in a rush because Maria and Veronica left the store and it's right on the street and they don't have any more sense than GEESE so I just plopped Felicity in the stroller and I thought I'll just push her across the street and then get her.  Marta even SAID TO ME "she's not strapped in", but I had a plan.  THEN some CAR came and stopped and this was all hoosiery friendly and all but I had no idea what the traffic from the other side would do, so I had to get these FOOLS across the street.  Maria was looking UP IN THE SKY and I said, "Maria, Go!" and I sort of TOOK OFF and then the stroller got stuck on something and it was Felicity.  Oh I want to cry, and in fact am crying, just typing that.  She was so, so mad, on her belly and her little face was all scraped up.  So I scooped her up and Marta said "I just said she wasn't strapped in!" which I didn't take as mean, but just - I mean, she HAD just said it, it happened SO fast!  Anyways, we went back into the library and I got some tissue and wiped her up and I decided I had to take her somewhere to have her little head looked at.  We were going to go to Urgent Care but there is NOTHING in the middle of the city and I had to go right near the hospital anyway so I just went there.  We had to wait forever, longer than I would have thought with a baby who had a head injury but, Thank God, she was fine, so it all ended well.

She has a runny nose and the doctor said that she had some liquid in her ear and I bet my last dollar that she is going to wind up with an ear infection.  What can I do.  Hold her upright all her life?  She sure didn't get to nap much today, so she was CRAZY tonight but finally went to sleep.  I told her and I'm saying it here, I'll never do it again.  I'm sorry!  I'm so, sorry!  I have never done that with any of my kids and I hate that I've done it now.  It makes me feel all dotty and undeserving of four children.  But I read this thing tonight, it's not an exact quote because I am lazy but it said whenever you are feeling sorry for yourself or feeling bad about your life, think of Christ on the cross and be silent.  So.  I'm trying.

I'm not posting a picture, but she looks fine.  It's just kind of sad and nothing I want on her permanent record.

Almost Six Months

 I always really look forward to the babies being six months old, and Felicity is no exception.  I like it better when they can sit up, cry a little before they go to sleep, etc.  I have been putting her down awake for naps and it's going about like you'd expect.  She is used to DRINKING until she falls asleep, so first I had to try and break her of that and now just expecting her to fall asleep in her bassinet seems like a lot.  She is flipping over to her belly a lot and it makes her MAD so we are dealing with that.  I am often tired and impatient and I also am just doing it a few days a week, so I have a feeling that I have to JAM in all this training on the days when the girls are in school, or we are not off to the library, or I have to exercise, or something.  I'm going to try to lighten up on it a little bit and we'll see how it goes. 

She is, as I say, rolling over and it's super cute.  She pushes up on her belly but that's it.  She won't sit up at all, unless she's assisted and then she seems to get a big kick out of it.  I sit her up in her bassinet and put the boppy around her and she's so cute.  She's like, soooooo!  this is sitting up!  I like it!  She is very kissy and sweet and I am madly in love with her, except when she is screamy and coughy and won't take a damned nap, ha! 

Sleeping

Felicity was 23 weeks old yesterday and while she is a good night time sleeper, man does she suck at it during the day.  The girls are in school on Monday and Tuesday, and I've been trying to use those days to train her to nap but it's not going well.  It's so, so disheartening.  When she was newly born and I spent all of the five hours that the girls were in school holding her or rocking her or entertaining her, I thought 'well at least it won't last forever'.  I thought I'd have time to sit, to eat, to go to the bathroom, to exercise.  Turns out it's NOT TRUE.  She is in her room right now, screaming away, it's 12:freaking 30, she hasn't taken a nap today except for like ten minutes in my arms, she is getting really tired and crazy.  I know what's going to happen is that she's going to fall asleep at 1:35 and I'm going to have to wake her up at 1:45 to go get the girls and then the rest of the afternoon will suck, too.

She is rolling over like a crazy person and I do mean crazy, because she hates it when she gets on her belly but she can't stop from rolling over to her belly.  I ordered an exersaucer/jumper thing yesterday, I HATE to buy more equipment to jam into this already crowded and messy house but I have to, I have to have somewhere to put her.  She is crawling out of the bouncy seats and swings and she hates lying on the blanket or in the pack and play.  She can't sit up yet so the only option is for me to hold her and I can't do it all day.  I have to eat every meal during the day standing up and WAVING, usually, to get some peace.  I don't think this is supposed to last this long, right?  She should be lying the hell down on her own?  I think one of the problems is that she seems to always want to drink a bottle up until she falls asleep and sometimes I run out of what's in the bottle because it is a FINITE AMOUNT and I don't know how to handle it.  It is reason 934 why I wish I could have nursed this baby.

So.  Long story short - almost six months old, has to get tubes, four ear infections in five months, never sleeps, screaming and crying all day long.  Situation normal.

Turnaround

Even though I don't like to talk about it, Felicity has had the best week.  She was a real treat to be around.  She napped in her crib for good lengths of time, she laughs and smiles, she will sit down in her seat or swing for a few minutes without screaming, she fell asleep in the car instead of screaming, brag brag brag brag!  I already love her, of course, like crazy, but it is much easier to like a baby who isn't screaming in your face all day.  Also she is healthy but I didn't say that.  But I'm so happy about it, I have to mention how grateful I am.  I had pictured her in tubes already by this point and she is just fine.  We all love her so much!

Four months

I took Felicity for her four month appointment today. She is doing just fine. I'll tell you something, there is always a medical student who comes in before the doctor. They vary in terms of experience, and I assume the womn we had today graduated yesterday. She was really nice but, like, I had F lying on the table and she leaned over to look in her ears and she kept letting her hair fall all over that baby's face!

Anyways, her stats are thusly: 15 lbs., 6 oz., 25" long, 44 cm head circumference. She took three shots and did well, eventually. It's hard to see that sweet face scrunch up when she feels the needles, but did you hear there's been like 20 cases of measles in our area, including one at a school? Ugh.

19 Weeks

Ha, it didn't look that bad in real life, but in this picture it looks like she is barely perched on that ottoman. I wanted to get her picture in this outfit, it is from my mom and it's so soft and sweet, right? Well you'll have to trust me on the soft part. Felicity at 19 weeks is doing just fine. She was sick last week but is better now, she sleeps just fine and I can't talk about it because I don't want to jinx it. She is still being rocked to sleep for naps, which I'm sure I'll have to deal with at some point but what can you do? She does just go to sleep sometimes, but not always. Today is Monday so we are Maria and Veronica-free, which is such a pleasant time for us. It's SO QUIET in here! Then Wednesday comes and it all goes to hell, ha!

Seventeen Weeks

It just now occurred to me, at 10:00 at night, that she's 17 weeks today.  I didn't take her picture, as she is sick and has been a real pill.  My arms are so sore from holding her I can't stand it.  Every time she is sick, I think what do people do when their kids are chronically ill?  I am such a wuss, I can't stand to hear her cry, she screams like a banshee when she throws up, it's just awful, it's the worst, I think.  And then I think, no, not the worst.  The worst gets a lot worse.  And then I feel like a big baby and a demon besides.

But it's hard.  My house is a mess with just ONE day of her being sick.  My hair is getting really long but it's so short that instead of growing down it grows out and I look like an old, female, Justin Bieber.  I can never go to get it cut, though.  The place is only open so that it takes the last appointment at 7:00, and that's bedtime.  I am working on Saturday nights and it's hard enough on Mike to put them all to bed one night a week, I think, I can't get another night to go get my hair cut.  I think maybe I could find a babysitter for Felicity when I have the other three in school but who?  And how will she be?  Because she is pretty bad for everyone but me, still.  I'm going to buy some headbands, is what I'm saying, ha!

Anyways, say a prayer that she is better soon.  Dr. Pakistan (I don't know his name from he's from Pakistan, he's SO GREAT) at the Urgent Care said it's viral and keep her humidifier on, so we are.  We're trying but it took forever to put her to bed tonight, last night she was up all night and I'm afraid we'll have a repeat, so I have to go to bed.

BUT.  Outside of the sickness, she is doing great.  She is holding up her head so well and she is putting her hands together and meeting other milestones.  She is happy when she's happy and she's starting to really vocalize, it's fun as hell.  She's our good girl and hopefully she will get better soon and get back to normal.  Also her ears were fine!  Miracle!

Janet

That's Anthony's old Janet bib, a gift from my friend Janet when I was pregnant with Anthony. I used to tell her I was going to name the baby Janet whether it was a boy or a girl, ha! Felicity is drooling like a crazy person so she has to wear a bib. It's, like, pre-teething, I guess? She was so crazy and fussy this Friday that I took her to the doctor, I was so afraid she was sick again. She had been up a lot, like every 90 minutes in the night for the two previous nights. BUT he said her ears were fine and she was probably just overstimulated. I have to figure out a different system because Maria and Veronica bug me so much and so loudly when I am trying to put Felicity down for a nap, it feels impossible.

Everyone says, 'she's the fourth!', and that she is just not going to get to take naps and sleep well like the other ones. I have never really liked that, though. I am a big believer in kids getting the sleep they need when they are tiny. It's as important as food to them, I think, and I wouldn't keep FOOD from her just because she's the fourth, right? Because the other kids ate it all up before she was born? It's shoddy logic. And anyway it doesn't work with my kids because they are all sensitive little flowers, fussy poos, wretches, for the first few months, that's just how it is. She is the least fussy of the bunch but I guess even she has her limits.

Anyways, she'll be 15 weeks tomorrow, crazy, right? Onward to four months!

Blessed

Every time we are having a morning like this, when Felicity slept badly and I'm worried that she's sick, and I'm trying to get her down for a nap but her JERKSTORE sisters will not SHUT UP or LEAVE US ALONE, I think "I'm so blessed to be a stay at home mom" and then I laugh and laugh, like this:  ha ha ha boo hoo hoo.

Not really.  It does suck that she is sleeping badly but she'd have to go a LONG way to sleep as badly as everyone else, so she is still okay in my book.  It's so hard to get her to take a nap with these girls here!  They are so unbelievably loud, AND they have to be with me every second of the day, sooooo .. no naps.

I am worried that she is getting sick again, with all these wake ups.  She first woke up at 2:00, then 3:30, then 4:45 and then 6:00 for the day.  She seemed kind of gassy this morning, and I think maybe I'm not burping her enough when she eats in the night?  These damned bottles are killing me, they are such a pain, I feel like I don't know what I'm doing at all.  She usually falls asleep drinking, so I guess I should burp her and then lay her down but sometimes she won't burp or sometimes it wakes her up.  Ugh.

She is really getting super cute, thank God.  She holds her head up really well, she's bringing her hands together and she is cooing more and more.  She was 14 weeks on Monday, so we are really getting there.  I guess before we know it, she'll be four months and then six months and then we'll have a crawling baby, just in time for summer.  I can't wait!

Better

Oh jeez, she is doing better now. She had her third ear infection two weeks ago - three weeks ago? I can't remember, she was AWFUL on a Friday night and I took her to Urgent Care on Saturday and it turned out she had an ear infection in both ears. I am getting better at telling when she has one. She has been through all her antibiotic now and seems fine, so that's good. I took her for her two month shots last week, when she was three months old, because she was sick when she was supposed to get them. They would have given them to her anyway but, um, NO THANKS. She was pretty fussy that afternoon and the next morning but since then she's been fine, sleeping well, can't talk about it, you know the drill.

She is getting so big and starting to really hold up her head. She will sometimes drift off to sleep on her own, which is something no one else has ever done. She is getting sweet and funny.