S's

She's swaddled and sucking here, and she's about to be swung. That's right, we have another fussy infant on our hands here. How it could happen that I have gone FOUR for FOUR on fussy newborns I don't know. It really, REALLY doesn't seem fair. It also doesn't seem fair that I am so sick and that I have gotten Felicity sick. It doesn't seem fair that I have had this hacking, horrible cough for more than a month, and that I am always holding this baby and that every time I cough, which is every time I breathe practically, I bounce her around on my chest. The clear message that I am getting from having children is that LIFE ISN'T FAIR. I would like to say I KNOW! I GOT IT! OKAY ALREADY!

She has been nursing like a crazed lunatic today, hours and hours. She is SUPER fussy when she starts to nurse, bashing around at me. I still have to use that nursing shield, so it's awkward. I'm trying to pull up my shirt, pull down my nursing bra, put on the shield, hold her head and get her to nurse, all the while listening to her SCREAM and CRY. Then she starts to nurse and then she gags and makes a face like I have just stuck her face in a big bowl of poo. It's very good for the ego, sheesh.

I know it will only be THIS particular brand of rotten for a few more weeks. There is a big change at six weeks, for me, with nursing. Then maybe I'll get better at some point and that will help. Maybe SHE will get better at some point and that will help. Maybe the newborn baby smell will wear off and the girls will stop being so crazy and that will help. She'll turn 12 or 16 weeks and that will help. But for right now. It's pretty bad. It's as bad as it can be with such a cute baby. Sometimes if I am really mad or sad I just look at that cute nose and poof! I feel better. Or I try and look at her like Maria and Veronica do, like she is the best baby doll they ever had. She really is cute and she is still my favorite, don't tell anyone, because she can't help it that she's being such a jerk. She doesn't even really know where she is yet, her eye sight is still bad! Two more weeks and two more days and she'll be six weeks and then maybe things will start looking up. In the mean time, I take pictures and I keep moving. My floors are clean as hell because she likes the sling and the vacuum!