Six Weeks

Felicity is six weeks old, actually six weeks and one day but this picture is from yesterday. I didn't take her five week picture and normally I'd just take it the day after but I figure it's best if we all forget last week.

She's not nursing at all anymore, and I'm not pumping, so she's getting all formula, all the time. I KNOW that there is nothing wrong with this. But I am still sort of heartbroken about it, and I don't know when I won't be. I never, ever thought that my time bf'ing her would be over so soon and I guess I sort of thought I'd know when I was DONE. I've been able to choose with the other three, and it is very shocking to just not be nursing anymore. I am taking sinus medication for my wicked, long lasting sickness and I keep feeling SO weird about it, like HOW can I be taking sinus medication? I can have as many cups of coffee as I want? I don't have to drink a gallon of water a day? It's bizarre, it somewhat feels like I don't have a baby anymore and even though that's not the case, it's such a sad thought it stays with me, a little.

It's getting better every day. She is doing so great with it, she takes a bottle pretty well, she is gaining weight. She is ... not happier, but she seems less nervous. I've been doing laundry for days and I am putting away all my nursing clothes (I just bought a BUNCH, grrr, but as sweet Mike says, it's just money) and it's getting better. But it's not great and I wish it hadn't gone down like this but what can you do? It was a bad combination of a baby with a bad suck, a sick old mother, and a lack of information from the lactation consultant. I'm lucky that she is taking the formula okay and that it even exists.

She will be fine, I know. And I will too! I mean, here's the thing:  it sucks to care for someone all day who is always yelling in your face.  But it's not like she's being vindictive.  I guess I have learned through four fussy babies, it's not their fault and also, it passes.  So we are counting on it.  We know it will get better.  We're okay.  So don't worry, Aunt Joan! :)